Friends, I failed. Big time.
Not only did I not follow through on my promises to blog, but I did not follow through on my promises to become healthier.... and now I am regretting it. Big Time.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm not quite sure what happened....
Ok no, that's a lie. I stuffed my face with crap food every opportunity that I got during the holidays until I gained 18 lbs... that's what happened. And yes, you read correctly. Since my last blog, I have GAINED 18 lbs... and 2 pants sizes. In 2 months! What is wrong with me?!
Obviously, I fell off the wagon. I fell off the wagon, the wagon ran over me (more than once), and I'm pretty sure I broke the wagon. I started eating unhealthy foods a little at a time... which turned into a lot at a time. I was tired and felt sick all the time. I could barely stay awake past 8pm. I can't button my pants. My thighs rub together when I walk. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like keeling over.... and if we're putting it all out there, I might as well tell ya that I can't find underwear to fit either! It's gross. I'm gross. I'm over it.
Luckily, I have good friends who care... and who aggravate the piss out of me until I got back on track. But I thank you. Thank you for the aggravation... for the wall posts telling me to blog... for the anonymous "BLOG!!!!" messages on my board at work (I know who you are!)... for the phone inquiries about the blog... and even for the "well I guess I'll just do something else...since I won't be busy READING YOUR BLOG!"
I would also thank you for the calling me fat in public thing, but that was pretty messed up. ;-)
So as of the 1st of the year, I decided to get back on track. A resolution! (cue the eye roll)
I'm not going to do Weight Watchers right now... I'm not going to count points... I'm not going to be perfect. I am going to get on track.. and then I'm going to mess up one day... but this time, I plan to get back on track if that happens.
Right now, I have not set any goals. I don't have a goal weight or size. I just know I want to be healthier. I want to be happier. I want to make exercise a normal routine. I want to make eating healthy normal for me. I think that where I have always failed in the past is focusing so much on my weight or my diet.... Yes, I am going to change the way I eat. Eat healthier.. but I will not focus all of my attention on food or what I am eating. I will just make every effort to make healthier choices and to control my portion sizes. I would also like to start working out more. Again, I know there will be days when I can't or maybe I won't want to. But I don't want to allow myself to stop going just because I missed a day. Like the food, I am not going to focus so much on the exercising. I am not going to obsess over it. I'm just going to do it... like it's a normal thing to do. Because that's exactly what it should be.
With that being said. So far, things are going well. I've been eating more veggies... fruits for snack. If I want some crackers I have a small amount... I'm trying not to do more than the suggested portion size of most things. I have worked out, both at home and at work now. I debated working out every day, but didn't want to burn myself out. I also thought 3 days a week may not be enough, so I decided to do every other day. And if I miss a day, I will just make up for it the next day... simple as that.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to Pinterest.... that is all.
Weigh-in: Sunday, Jan 1, 2012- 229.5 lbs (+18.5 lbs since my last weigh in)
Feeling: Disappointed, but hopeful.
You know, it happens. I decided I was going to lose weight when the scale said 207 lbs. A few months later the scale was creeping towards 220. Finally I stepped on the scale and after it groaned I saw the numbers 227. That was my tipping point. Take it a day at a time and remember you'll have ups and downs. I'm here for you. I feel your pain, especially in the thigh area. =)
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