Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Large and getting back in charge

Well, first of all... welcome. If you're bored with your own life and you want to read about mine, then you've come to the right place. Second, I will apologize in advance as this first blog is promised to be a long one. But mostly I want to thank you all for reading because I'll take that as support unless you say otherwise.

If you know me then you know I have struggled with my weight all my life. Growing up I was always the fat kid... then the fat teenager... and now a fat adult. Lovely. I change diets like underwear and I always give up... always. Then in 2010 I got fed up. Fed up with eating unhealthy foods in large quantities (Up-size that combo? Yes please!). Fed up with having to buy bigger clothes. Tired of being tired. So I did something about it. I signed up for weight watchers and was totally dedicated. I lost a total of 60 lbs in about 8 months. I went from a size 22 to a size 12. I felt great. I was smaller than I had ever been and I was loving every minute of it. I was happier and healthier in so many ways. I was only 12 lbs away from my goal weight!
Then I started doing Roller Derby... Weight Watchers went to the way side, but I was burning major calories and exercising frequently... I had finally found exercise that was fun (yes, it does exist!). I managed to keep my weight off and maintained where I was for a good 6 months or so, but didn't lose anymore. I love roller derby. Skating with awesome women, having fun AND getting exercise... what else could I have asked for? Well, as they say, "all good things come to an end." Derby isn't an option for me anymore (but I'll save that for another blog). So there went my fun... and there went my exercise. Have I exercised since having to stop? Barely. Have I eaten healthy since stopping?  Well, I probably wouldn't be writing this if I had.
Needless to say, the weight slowly but surely crept back on. First it was slow... I noticed the pants getting tighter... and then the shirts... and now they just don't fit at all. I literally feel like I woke up one morning and was 20 lbs heavier than the day before. Every time I sit down I am waiting for my pants to rip... I've found myself having to wear dresses everyday, and not because they're cute. I've also noticed that the more my stomach sticks out, the shorter that dress gets... and I refuse to wear pantyhose, so something's gotta give! Now, I would like to say (but not justify), that a lot of my lack of attention to health stemmed from the fact that I have gone through a lot these last 2 years.... started a new/very stressful job, divorce, child support battle, becoming a single parent, moving (twice), starting a new relationship, buying a house on my own, terrible twos toddler, potty training, non-stop work and overtime..... it's a lot to go through. But ya know what? It's no excuse. There is no reason why I couldn't have ordered a damn salad. None.
I am now only 25 lbs away from where I started in 2010. It's more than just depressing, and I feel like I am right back where I started. I am ALWAYS tired. My mood swings are ridiculous. And let's not talk about the amount of stomach issues come along with eating so much junk. Everything in my life feels like it's off track right now and I am super stressed out. I feel like if I had more energy, I'd be able to get this stuff done!
With that being said (and the moment you've all been waiting for)... I AM TAKING CONTROL OF MY LIFE AGAIN!! Queue the applause.  
I am dead set and determined to get the weight off and keep it off. I feel like my life depends on it. I have been feeling so sick since the weight has been back. I started Weight Watchers again yesterday. I know, I know, another "diet". It's really not, though. It has been the only thing that has actually worked for me.. because it has been the only thing I could stick to. It allows you that wiggle room (or, ya know...chocolate) when you need it. And I don't plan on counting my points forever. I want to kick-start my "lifestyle change." Once I get to a healthy weight that I am happy with, I'd like to maintain it by continuing to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I am not only doing this for myself, but for my daughter too. I hate being too tired to play with her. I don't want to teach her that it's ok to eat fast food everyday. I want to teach her to eat healthy... and to cook! I love her more than anything in  the world and never want her to have to go through the weight struggles that I've gone through. She is at a very impressionable age, and I think it needs to start now and I need to stick with it. For both of us. Britt has also started WW with me, as he has gained back the weight he lost in 2010 as well. Darn those comfortable relationships... "happy fat" makes me angry.
So that leads me to this blog. I have decided to use this as not only an outlet, but also as a way to keep myself accountable. I want people to know where I am at in my progress... I want you to ask... I want to be held responsible for my actions and the foods that I put in my body. I hope that my friends and family will be as supportive for me now as you were last time, if not more. I really need to stick with it this time, because I'm afraid of where I will be if I don't. 
So there ya go... there is my long-winded cry for help. I hope that everyone will continue "following" my blog and my progress. I hope everyone will comment- good or bad, I'll appreciate it all, and I hope to update at least once a week. You know that whole full-time mom and full-time job thing always gets in the way of the fun stuff...but if you promise to read, I'll promise to write.

Weigh-in: Yesterday, Oct 3, 2011 - 221.5 lbs. ugh.


  1. What a great start to a new beginning! I think that you need to post on Mondays so that it will help you stay motivated throughout the weekend. The race is on!

  2. You sound like me more than you could ever know. I want to encourage you to make the decisions today that you will be happy with tomorrow. And know this...you are beautiful and you do not look like the Fatty McFat ass that you feel like.

  3. You have been a constant inspiration to me and I will have you know that I will be supporting you all the way! :) Now to work on my blog. haha

  4. I will read & cheer you on if you promise to write!

  5. I could have written 90% of this myself. You are an amazing and strong woman and you WILL do this. Big hugs!

  6. Thank you all for the support! Can't wait for Monday's weigh in!

  7. I love you Vicki & have always been so proud of you.
    Great first entry to your blog..I'll be cheering you on all the way!
    Your a ""Wonderwoman" mama!! -xoxo

  8. I didn't see you had started your blog til you talked about it this morning. Then I came here and started reading.
    I think you have done an awesome job so far. You're still down from where you started, so don't give up. I know how hard it can be. I have an obsession with food and I've gained a little over 20 pounds since Chris and I met. That might not sound like a lot to you, but I was always the beanpole who never ever gained anything. Now my pants don't fit anymore and I have a potbelly. I hate it. But it's so hard to turn down the fried food and chocolate. I've cut back, but I still have those days when I gorge myself and really regret it. I know if I don't take control soon my weight could spiral out of control.
    It seems like some sort of sick joke that bad food tastes amazing and makes us feel so good...
    Anyway, I'm not saying my problems are close to yours. You've been through so much and I admire that you are still surviving and going strong.
    You're a beautiful girl Vick (both inside and outside WOO!!!). I hope you always remember that.


  9. 8yrs ago I got my happy fat but you've had depressive fat before and now happy fat. I tried to to get eric to do ww with me but he just doesn't realize how having someone there with you or doing their own thing can be a positives or negative. The stress and hours are my issue. Haven't been to the gym since my surgery on my wrist and I think I've got to wait for the ot to stop. Currently getting up at 430am as it is. But before that all hitting the gym 3x week was great. So im starting back up on ww the 20th. I want to get happy, healthy, and yes dammit skinny(ier)!