Insanity Apocalypse

I'll start off by saying that I'm feeling better today... and by that I mean my outlook isn't as crappy as yesterday. I want to say thank you to all of you who sent kind words of encouragement and support. It truly means a lot, and I needed it.... now on to the good stuff!

Something I haven't mentioned to a whole lot of people is that I've signed up to do an Insanity challenge. And I don't mean a challenge to see how insane I can be, because Lord knows I'm way past that already. I'm taking about the super intense 60-day workout program from BeachBody. This thing is definitely insane, I'm talking cuh-ray-zee! My good friend Andria has been working really hard on leading a healthier lifestyle for herself and her family. Part of that journey has lead her to become a BeachBody coach. So she nagged a bunch of us until we agreed to pay a ridiculous amount of money for this program so that we can all start our journeys together. And though I know it's going to be really hard and I'll be really sore and I'll probably want to give up a million times... I'm actually pretty excited about it. I'm hoping that having several friends going through it at the same time will keep me motivated. We start on Feb 10th. My boss also happens to be coming in town from Virginia that same week, so I'm thinking it will serve as a pretty good stress reliever as well. Mine came in the mail yesterday. I haven't read all the information yet, but here it is!

Now... I'm not a runner. Allow me to explain... I. Don't. Run. I've tried to run lots of times. I even have photographic proof of this (some good, some bad, some extremely embarrassing). It just never works out. So, what makes me think that running with zombies chasing me would be a good idea? Well.... zombies, duh.  I have seen advertisements in the past about zombie runs and I've always thought it would be so much fun. I've even complained about not having any close enough. Well wouldn't you know, the day I'm trying to re-motivate myself, a new event shows up on my Facebook feed. A zombie run HERE in Pensacola, literally minutes from my house....I don't believe in signs y'all, but that's a sign . Who's with me?! Let's do this.

Weigh In: Yeeeah. Still haven't done that yet.

Woah Mama

Hey there, remember me? You probably wouldn't recognize me since I've gained 20+ lbs in the last year....

Now that that has sunk in...I was just sitting here talking to Courtney about how I'm currently in a slump... slum? I don't care... no really, I don't care. That has been my attitude about everything lately. I don't care what I eat, I don't care what you eat, I don't care about exercise, I don't care what we do, I don't care if I'm fat. Ok, I lied on that last one. That, I care about... but I can't seem to care enough to do anything about it. I remembered my blog (not realizing its been a year since I posted) and how it was supposed to keep me motivated and accountable. Against my better judgement, I pulled it up and read it... and then I cried. And I cried and I cried. In my defense (and TMI) it's an emotional time of the month, but it made me sad, nonetheless.

I'm disappointed in myself. I'm disappointed in my appearance. I'm disappointed in my body. I'm just flat out disappointed.

In the last year, I've done weight watchers, and stopped (again). I've done exercise programs, and stopped (again). I've done the "I'm not gonna count points I'm just gonna eat healthy" thing, and stopped (again). I've done the"cabbage soup diet" [lord help us all], and stopped. I've done paleo, and stopped. I spent over $300 to join a biggest loser program at a local gym, and stopped going. Between all of these things, there was old faithful, weight watchers, again and again, and I stopped. Ive noticed through all of these things that I'm a damn good quitter. There's nobody better than me! I'd prove it to you, but I'd probably just stop. ::badum bum::

I'd like to start blogging again. I'm not going to promise, because we've all seen how good I am at keeping that. But if anyone has any tips or tricks that keep you motivated, please share. It's worth a shot - I've done everything else, right?

Current Weight: I need to dust the scale off first. I'll get back to you.

UPDATE: Apparently it's 2014.... sooo replace all the "a year"s with "2 years" above....fat folks can't count!

Dear Self ,

Chocolate is a treat, not a basic food group. 

Lay off...

Suck it up and one day you won't have to suck it in

I know, I know... I'm late on blogging.
I didn't blog last week because.. well... I didn't feel like it!

I am proud to report, however, that I kept my promise to myself. I have been eating healthy and working out every other day!! I haven't let anything stop me, and I must say I'm pretty proud. It may not be a huge deal, but it's been tempting to cheat and skip workouts, but I didn't.
I have actually enjoyed my workouts quite a bit. There have been times when I wanted to die in the middle of my workout, but I pushed through and felt better for it in the end. I have tried to keep things different so that I don't get bored. Some days I will take a 30 min class in the gym (usually followed by 30 mins on the treadmill), some days I do the elliptical or walk/jog around the neighborhood, and I even did the hour long cycle/spin DVD at the gym and I LOVED it. I have also found myself wishing I had my gym bag with me on my "off" days. I don't want to burn myself out like I have in the past so I am going to continue my every other day workouts for now.
As far as my diet goes, I have been eating a lot more fresh fruits and veggies. Snacks will usually be a piece of fruit or some carrot sticks/cherry tomatoes with hummus... mmm. I haven't eliminated starches, but replaced the whites (bread,  rice, wraps, etc) with brown/wheats. I have been trying to control my portion sizes, but I'm not gonna lie... that's my hardest challenge.  Dinner. I want to eat a lot of whatever I have. A lot. But I'm trying to stick to the whole "drink a glass of water and wait" rule. I have been drinking a lot more water too, and no soda.
Since I've been doing this ( Jan 1st), I have noticed a huge change in my energy level. I'm not tired during the day and am able to stay up later at night. I haven't even needed my morning coffee!!
Well except this morning... I didn't get any sleep last night so it's a triple shot type of day!

Last week, I weighed in at 4.5 lbs lost... this week I lost 3.5. So since the first I have lost 8 lbs! That's not as rapid of a weight loss as I had with Weight Watchers, but I honestly feel like I'm healthier this way because I'm eating better and exercising more. I think if I continue this way, I will get to where I want to be one day. I'm still huge, but I'm hopeful!

Weigh in: Sun, Jan 8th: 225 lbs (- 4.5 lbs)
Weigh in: today, Sun, Jan 15th: 221.5 (-3.5 lbs; -8 total)

Oops, I did it again...

Friends, I failed. Big time.
Not only did I not follow through on my promises to blog, but I did not follow through on my promises to become healthier.... and now I am regretting it. Big Time.

I don't even know where to begin. I'm not quite sure what happened....
Ok no, that's a lie. I stuffed my face with crap food every opportunity that I got during the holidays until I gained 18 lbs... that's what happened. And yes, you read correctly. Since my last blog, I have GAINED 18 lbs... and 2 pants sizes. In 2 months! What is wrong with me?!
Obviously, I fell off the wagon. I fell off the wagon, the wagon ran over me (more than once), and I'm pretty sure I broke the wagon. I started eating unhealthy foods a little at a time... which turned into a lot at a time. I was tired and felt sick all the time. I could barely stay awake past 8pm. I can't button my pants. My thighs rub together when I walk. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like keeling over.... and if we're putting it all out there, I might as well tell ya that I can't find underwear to fit either! It's gross. I'm gross. I'm over it.

Luckily, I have good friends who care... and who aggravate the piss out of me until I got back on track. But I thank you. Thank you for the aggravation... for the wall posts telling me to blog... for the anonymous "BLOG!!!!" messages on my board at work (I know who you are!)... for the phone inquiries about the blog... and even for the "well I guess I'll just do something else...since I won't be busy READING YOUR BLOG!"
I would also thank you for the calling me fat in public thing, but that was pretty messed up. ;-)

So as of the 1st of the year, I decided to get back on track. A resolution! (cue the eye roll)
I'm not going to do Weight Watchers right now... I'm not going to count points... I'm not going to be perfect. I am going to get on track.. and then I'm going to mess up one day... but this time, I  plan to get back on track if that happens.
Right now, I have not set any goals. I don't have a goal weight or size. I just know I want to be healthier. I want to be happier. I want to make exercise a normal routine. I want to make eating healthy normal for me. I think that where I have always failed in the past is focusing so much on my weight or my diet.... Yes, I am going to change the way I eat. Eat healthier.. but I will not focus all of my attention on food or what I am eating. I will just make every effort to make healthier choices and to control my portion sizes. I would also like to start working out more. Again, I know there will be days when I can't or maybe I won't want to. But I don't want to allow myself to stop going just because I missed a day. Like the food, I am not going to focus so much on the exercising. I am not going to obsess over it. I'm just going to do it... like it's a normal thing to do. Because that's exactly what it should be.

With that being said. So far, things are going well. I've been eating more veggies... fruits for snack. If I want some crackers I have a small amount... I'm trying not to do more than the suggested portion size of most things. I have worked out, both at home and at work now. I debated working out every day, but didn't want to burn myself out. I also thought 3 days a week may not be enough, so I decided to do every other day. And if I miss a day, I will just make up for it the next day... simple as that.

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to Pinterest.... that is all.

Weigh-in: Sunday, Jan 1, 2012- 229.5 lbs (+18.5 lbs since my last weigh in)
Feeling: Disappointed, but hopeful. 

Cheese biscuits

So this week went a lot better than the last. I was good this week. I'm not going to lie, though, I didn't count points. I did in the beginning of the week and then it just kind of... fizzled off. But at least I was good! I still ate healthy and made better choices, I just didn't count points for  everything. Eating healthy is getting easier. I find myself wanting veggies and salad most of the time, which I like to think is a good thing. However, the week did not go without its temptations. We had all of the kids over the weekend. Saturday morning consisted of chocolate chip pancakes... chocolate... chips... in... pancakes. Saturday night we went to a Halloween themed wedding. This involved cake, cookies, sandwiches, soda, etc. And on Sunday we had lunch at Red Robin... *coughmilkshakescough*
I won't say that I didn't have a cookie and a sip of Alis' chocolate shake, because I did. But what I did have was minimal. A cookie. A sip.
Overall, I wasn't as good as I could gave been, but I did well. I lost 3.5 lbs.
Today was a different story. My mom just got back in town from California and we took her out for her birthday dinner. She wanted Red Lobster... the title if this post says it all. I ate the way I shouldn't have, and now I'm in a food coma. So excuse this boring post. I will leave you with a pic of the crew from the Halloween bash to make up for lack of bloggage.

{{Me: Kenya Feelit; Alis: Feelit A. Lil'; Britt: Garth from Wayne's World; Brady: Captain America; Chloe: Sweet Sorcerer}}

Weigh-in: Today, Oct 24, 2011- 211 lbs (-10.5 lbs total)

One step forward and two steps back

This weekend we went to Deluna Fest.
Have you ever been to a music festival?  Do you know what they have there to eat? Well, let me break it down for you: hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, Philly cheesesteaks, gyros, burritos, polish sausages, french fries, onion rings and anything you can fry, they've got it... on a stick. They do not have salads, veggies of any kind (because the fried onions no longer count), fruit that isnt blended with a lb of sugar and alcohol or water that isn't warm and from a hose...
I tried to be good, I really did. I knew this weekend was coming and I had it all planned out. I would make healthy, filling breakfasts at home in the morning and for lunch and dinner we would leave the festival and go to one of the many seafood restaurants around so that I could get steamed seafood and veggies. Great plan, right? I know...I'm a friggin genius.
Now let me ask you, have you ever been to a seafood restaurant in the south? Did you know that everything is flash fried?!... yeah, me either.
I tried to go as healthy as possible. I even asked about steamed veggies and got the reply, "The only vegetables that we have are potatoes and corn." So I ordered salads... but even those weren't good since my only options were Ceasar, Ceasar with chicken or Ceasar with shrimp... and they were all drenched in dressing as thick as mayonnaise. Then on Saturday we forgot to eat until about 30 minutes before the band we wanted to see, so we got pizza because it was the closest thing... and for $7 you could get 2 slices! With a coke! Did I mention it was pepperoni?! Yeah....Ugh.
I was so disappointed in myself. I could feel the lbs creeping back with every bite. It also caused me to have a pretty bad stomach ache.
Sunday morning at about 5 a.m. I was dead asleep when I woke up with this weird tight feeling in my chest. I tried changing positions in bed, but the pain kept getting more intense to the point to where I could barely breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack. I woke up Britt (which is not an easy task, by the way) and we rushed to the emergency room. I was so scared, I was sobbing like crazy. I was afraid of what they would say. They took an x-ray of my chest, bloodwork, urine, an EKG and hooked me to a heart monitor for hours. It was freezing and we were so tired. After 5 hours of staring at the wall and shivering, they told me that my heart was in perfect health and I was fine. They let me go home, but not before collecting their $100 co-pay.
I was miserable, exhausted, pissed and starving. I didn't want salad or fruit... I was HUNGRY. I wanted food. A hot meal, and I wasn't up for cooking. What was I to do? Where could I get a hot meal, quick? ...McDonald's of course! It didn't even sound like a good idea at the time, but by god, we did it anyway. We binged... I believe our exact words were "well if I'm gonna be bad..." I won't go into detail, but it was bad.
I don't even think we finished crumbling the wrappers before the moaning and the "shouldn't have done that" started. There's only one word that can explain it... stupidity.
Just a few hours ago I thought I was dying and was envisioning the Dr telling me how much fatty build-up was around my heart and I'm comforting myself with french fries? Seriously, Vickie? I'm an idiot.

So, I got on the scale this morning and I'd lost half a lb. That's all...I'm surprised it wasn't a gain. I'm not happy with my weigh-in or myself. Not at all... but all I can do is try harder. I was really good today, and I enjoyed my healthy foods and salads. I will keep it up.... no matter how much I want chocolate.

Weigh-in: Today, Oct 17, 2011- 214.4 lbs (-7 lbs total)

P.S.- It took me 3 tries to spell genius right. True story. ;)